Bleeding Mascara
by SharpieLovers
Summary: umm stuff...idk how to do this with out giving it away so just read..
1. Prologue: Concret Angel

Rating: idk T maybe M

Disclaimer: don't own jack shit

Warning: umm abuse, drugs, cutting, girl on girl, boy on girl, idk anything that pops into my mind

Summery: idk not good at this shit. you'll find out when you read

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Bleeding Mascara

Prologue: Concrete Angel

_She walks to school with the lunch she packed. Nobody knows what she's holdin' back. Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday. She hides the bruises with linen and lace._

I lay on the floor for the third time this week. He must have had a bad day at work again. That's what he said on Monday, he didn't speak to me today. He just went at it, had him self a fuckin field day. I don't know how I'm going to go to school tomorrow, can barely open my right eye. Think he hit me with his ring again. Its funny how some days he cares enough to take his rings off, today must not have been one of those days.

I don't know what I did today, we were fine at lunch. We laughed and smiled, he even called me his angel. I believe him though I am his angel. I must be, he sticking around and doesn't just use me like he did the others. Wonder if he did this to them too, give them his special treatment, that's what he calls it.

Laying here again makes me think why I stick around. I think I love him, he says he loves me. I say it back, but it's more of an auto respond. An 'I love you Spencer', 'I love you too', kind of thing. Does he love me? I hope he does, hope he comes to realize that he treats me bad.

It's not that bad, I can see out my left eye and there are only bruises on my ribs. It's not that bad. I should get off the floor and clean myself up before we go out tonight. It's not that bad Spencer, you're still alive. Remember that.

_Through the wind and the rain, she stands hard as a stone. In a world that she can't rise above. But her dreams give her wings, and she flies to a place where she's loved. Concrete angle._


	2. Chapter One: Made of Scars

Bleeding Mascara

Chapter One: Made of Scars

_This one had it coming. This one found a vein, this one was an accident, but never gave me pain. This one was my fathers and this one you can't see. This one had me scared to death, but I guess I should be glad I'm not dead!!_

I sit alone in my room doing the same thing I do almost every night now. Towels to my left, gaze to the right, and my weapon of choice in front of me. Tonight that weapon is my mother's letter opener. Not that sharp so it should give me pain. Its funny it barely hurts anymore. They hurt afterwards, but during the stride I don't feel a thing.

Tonight's for what he did, for what he promised. Should have known he wouldn't follow through with it, but I hoped he would. Would have been the first time I saw him all year. I didn't even see him at Christmas last year, or Thanksgiving this year. He canceled like he always does, to busy with his rock star life to spend one day with his daughter.

I'm going to make it deep tonight, have it feel all my pain. No short strides, no just prick the skin. No, its long and deep tonight. When I'm laying back on the floor with the towel catching my blood, that's when ill feel again. When I feel the pain of not having a caring father, but right now I'm numb. I'm ready, ready for the letter opener to touch my arm. Ready for the blood, ready for the scars, I'm ready for it all.

Sometimes I wish someone would see, see the scars up and down my left arm. Wish someone would care enough to make me stop. But that won't happen, so till then I'm going to be 'Ashley Davies the cutter, the drug addict, the fuck up.'

_This one was the first one, this one had a vice. This one here I like to rub on dark and stormy nights. This one was the last one, I don't remember how. But I remember blood and rain, AND I NEVER SAW IT COMING AGAIN Yeah, Cut right into me. Yeah, Cause I am made of scars. Yes, I am made of scars_


	3. Chapter Two: Alyssa Lies

Bleeding Mascara

Chapter 2: Alyssa Lies

_My little girl met a new friend, Just the other day. On the playground at school, Between the tires and the swings. But she came home with tear-filled eyes, And she said to me "Daddy, Alyssa Lies". Well, I just brushed it off at first, Cause I didn't know how much my little girl had been hurt. Or the things she had seen, I wasn't ready when I said you can tell me And she said_

"Oww…owww…" God there has to be another way to get this shirt on with out it hurting. Ok Spencer one arm in at a time, ok ready. One, two, three "owww!!!" Jesus ok that's one arm, ok one more, come on Spencer. "Shit oww." Ok you did it, good.

Today's going to suck, I have to lie once again. I hate lying, it's like this web. You know the ones that everything gets caught in, and you have to struggle to get free. Ya well it's like that, everyday I have to come up with a new lie to hide where I really got the bruise, or the cut. Hell, I remember having to make up something for my broken rib, haha ya that was a great story I must say.

I was in gym class and we had to change for swimming. And you know me always having to wear a two piece never thinking of buying a one piece. I was trying to cover up with a towel and say I was sick, but nooo the teacher made me get in. That's when the lie comes in, Chelsea had to ask. "Whys your side all black and blue Spencer?" I had to lie, I couldn't tell her the truth. So I came up with the best answer I could for a big black and blue bruise on my side. "Fell down." "Fell down what?...a mountain?" ya I wish it would have been that simple. "Stairs." "Oh alright." Wow it was to easy to lie to her, plus I've gotten use to it by then.

Wish it was a broken rib he got this time, he got my shoulders. Pushed me against the wall so many times, just because I wouldn't tell him why I wasn't in lunch. God he didn't need to know I was in the girl's bathroom all lunch hour. God only if he knew why. He wouldn't stop pushing and slamming me against his door frame. I finally broke down and told him…a lie. Told him I was studying for my math, he bought it.

_Alyssa Lies, to the classroom. Alyssa lies, Everyday at school. Alyssa lies, to the teachers. As she tries to cover every bruise_


	4. Chapter Three: Welcome to the Jungle

Bleeding Mascara

Chapter 3: Welcome to the Jungle

_Welcome to the jungle, we got fun 'n' games. We got everything you want, Honey we know the names. We are the people that can find, whatever you may need if you got the money honey we got your disease._ _In the jungle, Welcome to the jungle. Watch it bring you to your shun n,n,n,n,,n,n,,n,n,n,,n,n,,n knees, knees. I wanna watch you bleed._

I hate doing this. Its not even a normal hate it's a hate where no matter how much I try to like it, I always hate it. Walking down dark alley at 12 o'clock at night is, well scary. But I don't get scared, never. So I push the fear away by playing games.

Like when you were little and you were scared some monsters were in your closet, it's like that. I make things up as I walk down the alley to my destination. Like that trashcan that looks like a man crouching down, my mind sees it as a cute little dog. Weird I know but it keeps me sharp and my mood is a little happier.

He sees me, I know he does. He pretends not to even notice I'm there till I'm two feet away from him. He's the kind of drug dealer that doesn't make house calls, likes to go in dark alleys to do the deals. His names Caption, I don't know his real name, probably some weird common name, like Fred or Bob. Whatever his name is Caption is the best dealer in L.A.

He's in a long black trench coat, down to his feet. Which are bare by the way, eww told you he was weird. He had a trucker hat on his head, hiding his long shoulder length hair. He's about 5'3 and probably weighs 100 pounds. It's sick just how skinny he is.

He looks up at me when I finally reach him. His blue eyes try to lock with mine, but I refuse to look in his. Because I know what I would see if I did. A sea full of sadness, loneliness and hunger. Hunger for the next fix, hunger for the cash I'm about to pay him.

"Ashley" was all he said before he handed me the little baggy. "Cappy" his face goes red with anger when I call him that. He snatches the little baggy back from me. "What I say about that, if you weren't your fathers daughter I'd..." "You'd what?" I know him to well, he wouldn't hurt a fly. He and my dad were good friends, brothers to be more exact. No not blood, but should be, it'd be better that way. "I'd…um" "You won't do shit Cappy." I take the baggy back and throw the cash on the ground and turn around. I count to three before I start to walk back down the alley to where I started.

_And when you're high you never, ever want to come down, so down, so down, so down YEAH! You know where you are, You're in the jungle baby. You're gonna die. In the jungle. Welcome to the jungle. Watch it bring you to your shu n,n,n,,n,n,,n,n,n,,n,n,,n,n,,n knees, knees. In the jungle Welcome to the jungle. Feel my, my, my serpentine. In the jungle Welcome to the jungle. Watch it bring you to your shun n,n,n,n,,n,n,,n,n,,n,n,,n.n, knees, knees. In the jungle Welcome to the jungle Watch it bring you to your. It's gonna bring you down! Ha!_


	5. Chapter Four: Better Man

Bleeding Mascara

Chapter four: Better Man

_Waitin', watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock, it's got to stop. Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech. As he opens the door, she rolls over...Pretends to sleep as he looks her over. She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...Can't find a better man, Can't find a better man. Ohh..._

Were heading to Grays tonight, Adien says he needs to dance. To bad he can't dance, he thinks he's tough shit and thinks no one can touch him. He tells me I should be grateful to be with him because any girl would die to be with him. More like die being with him. Swear I almost broke my neck yesterday when he threw me down the stairs. I want to tell him so bad that I don't want this, that this is not what I wanted. I wanted a nice guy, smart, handsome and Adien is all those things. Well so I thought, he's a nice guy in public, perfect even…but when were alone. I think he's bipolar, god I hope he is.

Were walking to Grays for two reasons, one because I don't have a car, and two because Adien says this is the only time I can walk freely. Whatever the fuck that means, I walk freely all the time, I think. We've been walking for about a half hour or so and my legs are killing me. Yet he proceeds to walk a fast pace. "Hurry up Spencer!" he yells from about 12 paces ahead of me. "Ok" I speed up a little, but it starts to hurt my legs even more so I slow back down.

I look up from the ground that I have been staring at the whole time. I can see Gray's big neon sign so I know I only have a little bit longer till I can sit down. "Spencer didn't I say hurry your ass up?" "Well no you just said hurry up, you left my ass outa it." Shit shouldn't have said that, damn it Spencer. "Who the hell do you think your talking to?" he stops walking and walks back to me. Fuck. "Um you baby" "Me? ...that's not a smart thing to say to me" "I'm sorry, I wont do it again" "Damn straight you wont" he shoves me up against a brick building. Oww my shoulders.

"What I tell you about that?!? You will never speak to me like that, you understand that?!?" He's screaming at me, for what? For saying some sarcastic remark? Damn I really need to watch my mouth, he's spiting on me as he speaks…ew. "Spencer are you listening to me" "yes" I try to look in his eyes to see if he has any love in them. I lock eyes with him and all I see is anger and coldness. There so hard and solid, like they can't break.

He puts me back on the ground and I grab my shoulders. "Ass" it's a whisper to myself, so he can't hear me. "What?" he looks at me as he questions. "Um nothing baby" "Bullshit what the fuck you say Spencer?" "Um..." he slams me against the wall again, fuck! I scream softly at the pain. He does it again and again, just keeps slamming me against this cold brick wall. I'm crying now, can help it, it hurts so bad.

"Hey whoa hey, knock it off!!!" it's a strangers voice, I don't know it. Sounds female though. He lets go of me and turns to face the voice. I slide down the wall not caring if the stranger sees me cry. "Who you think you are?" I hear his razor sharp voice and I close my eyes tightly. "Your worst nightmare, walk away now and I won't call the cops" her voice so calm and collected, I put my hand over my ears. "Haha right, you call the cops?" "Yeah" "Hey now put that away" I can't see what's going on, just want it all to go away. Sounds of buttons being pushed is all I hear now, god she actually dialing. Who ever this girl is, she's becoming my hero. "Go now and I wont push send" I hear Adien run off in the direction of Grays, I just sit there not wanting to open my eyes.

Someone's beside me and I can only assume it's her, smells like strawberries, sweet strawberries. "You ok?" I just shake my head yes and stand up. I look at my savior. She's beautiful, dark brown hair, rockin body, her voice is soft and comforting unlike Adien's. She smiles at me, god a perfect smile. She sticks her hand out, "Ashley. Ashley Davies" I shake her hand. "Spencer Carlin."

_She loved him, yeah... she don't want to leave this way. She feeds him, yeah... that's why she'll be back again. Can't find a better man. Can't find a better man. Can't find a better man. Can't find a better... man...  
_


	6. Chapter five: Brackish

Bleeding Mascara

Chapter 5: Brackish

_She is not scared to die…The best things in life drive her to cry. Crucify then learn..(take so much away from inside you, makes no sence, you know he can't guide you, he's your fucking shoulder to lean on, be strong!)Sit and watch me burn…She's led to believe, that it be ok, look at your face, scarred in dismay ,but times have changed, and so have you…I think I'd rather crucify then learn(take so much away from inside you, makes no sence, you know he can't guide you, he's your fucking shoulder to lean on, be strong!)_

"Shit Spencer" Haha god this girl is good. Known her for about three months now. God she's so good at this, "Go Spencer, oh god your almost there." Its her first time too at this, and she's already better than me. I was the champion, number one, now Spencer is. That's ok with me though, means more coke for me. I don't know how she's going to use her cash, probably on some books. Hehe god she's such a book worm, so adorable. "Yes!!" I throw my hands up, she jumps up, and we hug. Were kind of doing this little jumping up and down hug, while screaming in happiness.

"Ashley I won, I beat them!" "I know, god your so good." She pulls back and kisses my cheek, I smile and blush a little and look away. "Wanna go again?" She smiles brightly showing her white straight teeth. She's…beautiful, I mean…hot. Damn Ashley, you can't think about her like that. One, she's straight, with a jackass boyfriend. Two, she's your best friend, you can't go and lose her. She's saying something but I cant make out what she's saying, to lost in thought. "Ashley, Ashley" She's wavering her hand in front of my face. "Huh?" She giggles, "Ashley are you even listening to me? Haha man your face was a blank stare." I blush again and laugh lightly, "Whatever Spencer, I was just thinking if we should play another round of online Tekken 5 or go get some coffee." Coffee first? Haha yeah good cover Ashley. "Yeah Yeah coffee, we been playing for hours anyways, my thumbs need a brake." She wiggles her thumbs in the air, and I laugh. "Ok Spencer."

We head down stairs and I grab my keys off the kitchen table. "What time you have to be home?" We walk outside and it's a beautiful summer day out. I look at my phone, five o' clock. Damn we were playing for four hours. "Hey, we were playing for four hours Spencer" She stops walking and looks at me, she looks a little scared. "What?" I ask walking up to her slowly. "What…what time is it?" She looks down at her shoes as if their the most instating thing in the world. "Uh fiveish" "Shit! Ashley I was suppose to meet Adien at four-thirty" oh, damn, this isn't good at all. That guys crazy. I remember the first day we came into contact, same day I met Spencer, same day I knew her secret, same day I became her protector. Fuck that guy is horrible. "Spencer, why you still with him?...you cant go see him now, I won't let you, he could hurt you. I'm not letting you go." "Ashley I have to go, better to be late then not go at all. I know he's mean but he won't hurt me." I know she's lying, she knows I know she is lying. "No" "I have to Ashley, take me home, please!" she looks as though she's going to cry, I have no choice but to give in. "Ok"

We get into the car, and I drive her home. On the way, we don't speak, but she does something so unexpected. She reaches over for my hand and takes it into her, and laces our fingers. I look over at her, see if she's looking at me. She's not. She's looking out the window, I smile to myself looking out onto the road. Try to focusing on the rode but I cant, keep thinking of why she's holding my hand. Scared maybe, I don't know. I would be if I was her, I'm not scared of him, showed him that too, but he don't care bout my threats any more. He doesn't deserve her. She is wonderful, sweet, caring, and beautiful. I keep looking over at her out of the corner of my eye. Looking at her makes me wonder more about why she's holding my hand. She's straight Ashley, don't get your hopes up. She's just holding it because she's you friend, best friend. So she just needs her best friend to comfort her. Yeah yeah that's why, ok stop thinking about it. Ok here's her house.

"Bye Ashley," she lets go of my hand and opens my car door. "Bye Spenser," she steps out and walks up her driveway to her front door. It opens up before she even reaches the steps, Adien is standing there whit his hand on his hip. She gives him a hug, which makes me cringe. He doesn't hug her back just points to his car. She nods her head and walks slowly to his car looking over at me once before looking at the ground. She get in his nice new Mustang. Its nothing compared to my jet black Spider. He gets in looking once over his shoulder in my direction then shuts his door and drives off. Maybe I should follow them, sounds stalkerish. I laugh lightly at myself and make my decision to follow them. I stay car lengths away from them, trying to be like a spy. I always wanted to be one, like in the secret service. Man that'd be so cool...on my to do list.

_Sit and watch me burn… I'd like to take you down, and show you deep inside, my life my inner workin so smell and lack of inner pride, to touch upon the surface, is not for what it seems, I take away my problems, but only in my dreams .(take so much away from inside you, makes no sence, you know he can't guide you, he's your fucking shoulder to lean on, be strong!)Crucify the learn.. (take so much away from inside you, makes no sence, you know he can't guide you, he's your fucking shoulder to lean on, be strong!)Crucify then learn… Sit and watch me burn.._


	7. Chapter Six: Unpretty

Bleeding Mascara

Bleeding Mascara

Chapter Six: Unpretty

_I wish could tie you up in my shoes. Make you feel unpretty too. I was told I was beautiful. But what does that mean to you. Look into the mirror who's inside there. The one with the long hair. Same old me again today (yeah). My outsides look cool. My insides are blue. Every time I think I'm through. It's because of you. I've tried different ways. But it's all the same. At the end of the day. I have myself to blame. I'm just trippin'._

"Where have you been?" "Well damn hello to you too Adien" Fuck Spencer where has all this back talk coming from, your just going to get myself into trouble. "What the fuck did you just say?" He takes his eyes off the road and glares at me with cold green eyes. "Nothing, I was at Ashley's" "I thought I told you I didn't want you hanging out with that bitch" "You did, I'm sorry. I won't no more okay?" What! What the fuck am I say? I Cant not see her. Ill just have to sneak around. Yeah. Makes it sound like I'm having and affair with Ashley. Haha that's funny, I'm not having an affair with another women. Ashley is beautiful, and I do like her a lot, but not in a gay way. No way. I Spencer Carlin do not like Ashley. She might be all you think about and she maybe absolutely amazing in everyway, but you do not like her. Right because I am not gay…right?

I shake my head to get the thoughts of Ashley out of my mind and try to focus on where he is taking me. I look out the window and notice that were not going to his house; we seem to be passing along the highway on a small dirt path. "Hey, um Adien where are we going?" He ignores me and continues to follow the straight path that seems to go on forever. I take in the surroundings, open green field of grass to the right, a large forest to the left, and a long dirt road heading down into the middle of the forest. I start to freak out. "Adien what are we doing out here, this is a bit scary. Your not going to kill me are you?" Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Damn it I knew I should have been home on time, should have been behaving. Now he's going to kill me in this big forest just like in the horror movies. "Spencer, what I say about watching scary movies?" "Not to, because I tend to imagine things" "Exactly" "So you're not going to kill me?" He laughs and looks at me. "No Spencer I'm not going to kill you. Why would I? You're my girlfriend" Right his girlfriend. I smile. Not at the thought of being his girlfriend, but at not being killed. "And because Ashley knows you're with me. If I killed you, she would know I was the last person with you. I'd be caught. Do I look that stupid?" Yes. "No, no I guess not. So then why are we out here?" He just smiles and turns of the road into the forest.

I close my eyes and try not to think of what he is going to do with me. I really shouldn't have closed them because all I could see was Ashley's smiling face. Why do I always think of her? Her long brown hair with the streak of red, her big brown eyes that I just get lost in, her curvy body that I love to snuggle up against when I sleep over. The way she smells, like strawberries and cigarettes and a hint of something else I can't quite figure out. She invades my mind and I'm completely lost in thoughts of her. I smile subconsciously, and forget the world around me and let her take my thoughts over.

I awake to the sound of Adien's razor edged voice and pain of him yanking me out of the car. "Spencer get the fuck out of my car! Wake up!" I open my eyes and fall to the ground. "Ow, damn Adien" "Were here, lets go" He walks away towards the old creepy cabin. Yeah, just like the horror films. I shake my head and pick myself up off the ground and follow him inside. When we get inside I notice its not just a cabin, but it's a hotel, a cheep creepy old hotel. " What are we doing here?" He smiles and pulls me over to him and points to big wood double doors that are wide open showing a chapel. I gasp. "What the fuck!" He turns and looks at me. First I see sadness then anger in his eyes. "Were getting married Spencer" "The hell we are!" He slaps me across my face and I fall back on to the gross carpet. I bring my hand to my face and feel a little blood on my bottom lip and tears fill my eyes. He steps over me and leans down close to my face. "Yes we are. Now go into room 106 and get changed into the dress that I picked out and be back in thirty minutes got it" I nod my head and slowly get up and walk down the hall to room 106.

I walk into the room and see the dress he picked out for me. It looked more like a stripper costume. I walk over to the bathroom with it in my hand and put it on. I look in the mirror after I got it all on. I looked a hot mess. A big handprint on my left cheek and many bruises on my shoulders and sides. My eyes start to tear up again so I splash cold water over my face and walk out to the chapel where Adien is waiting for me.

He's standing in a black tux and a black pimp hat. I start to laugh when I look down at myself. Haha so he wants to be my pimp while I am his white trash stripper. I laugh harder as I walk down the long red carpet. "What the fuck you laughing at Spencer?" "Oh nothing, just that you trying to be all tough shit and marry a fake stripper so you can show off to Mr. Elvis here" I laugh harder at the look on his face. I'm bent over holding my stomach while laughing so hard tears start coming out. I feel him rip my head back by my hair, but I can't feel the pain because I'm still laughing. I feel his fist connect to my face and before I can feel any pain it all gets black.

When I awake, I feel the pain of his punch. My heads throbbing and my face feels swollen. I open my eyes slowly and try to sit up. I feel a hand on my shoulder, I flinch slightly, and the hand retreats. "I'm sorry Spence, just lay back okay?" I smile at the voice. Ashley.

_You can buy your hair if it won't grow. You can fix your nose if he says so. You can buy all the make up. That M.A.C. can make. But if you can't look inside you. Find out who am I too. Be in the position to make me feel. So damn unpretty. I'll make you feel unpretty too. Never insecure until I met you. Now I'm bein' stupid. I used to be so cute to me. Just a little bit skinny. Why do I look to all these things. To keep you happy. Maybe get rid of you. And then I'll get back to me (hey)._


End file.
